Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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