just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
