Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
