She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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