that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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