i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
