guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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