is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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