someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
