no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
