Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
