We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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