If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
