So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we're so committed to being not committed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize