woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
no you cant smoke seaweed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
