i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
