We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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