Pants 0. Shit 1.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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