Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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