I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize