i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
