He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
