Nicole vs. Life
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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