I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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