Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
