i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
