she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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