i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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