so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
