Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
