the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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