The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
