You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Come on in and take your pants off
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