btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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