it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
