Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
