Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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