Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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