fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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