When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
