I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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