I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
