So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
