I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
