Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
