so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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