no, he came in my armpit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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