Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wish I only lived at night.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm both gender and math confused
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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