So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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