he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
