They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
