I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
