hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
