Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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