I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize