the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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