So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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