Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
