the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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