he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
