Can Purell be used as lube?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
