Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Panties = found
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
