just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I party with great urgency now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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