You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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