Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
