Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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