is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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