So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
