I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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