Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
